"All you can do is handle it, worst thing you can do is panic. Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity, mange to conquer every obstacle, make impossible possible. Even when winning is illogical, losing is still far from optional." – T.I.
I had a good revelation today. That being, that sometimes I beat myself up for stuff that in some ways might be out of my control. And that for me to get to where I need to be, I need to take the time to REALLY take care of myself – meaning treat me like I would like to treat my best friend. These emotional explosions can be controlled. There are definite triggers and there are ways to see those triggers and adjust the reaction. It a game, and I need to play it better than I ever have.
I have an up-and-down personality. When you see me running on the top of a mountain, or skiing down a peak, I am pure ecstacy. Dan at his best. And then there are other things, that have been going on for some time now, that bring me down. And I get real down. Looking back, this all started some time ago. I was working at IMBA, I think it was 2002 or 2003, and work sucked. I had a boss I did not like, I was not progressing, and I felt stuck. I remember riding down Magnolia one day, and I was crying. I was exceptionally down. And really, the situation wasn't that big of a deal.
I'm not going to rehash the events of the past 2-3 years, because this is not the place to do it. But I think if I'm perfectly honest and look at myself in the mirror, I'm not the person I want to be. I'm a little too fragile. Granted, there have been a lot of extreme life events the past 20 months or so, triggers if you will. I've probably gone through more of these in the last six months than most people do in five years. That said, you can choose to handle the trigger in two different ways:
1. Get all emotional, feel sorry for yourself and break.
2. Stay calm, analyze the situation and then come up with a solution.
For too long, I have chosen option #1. It's time to take option #2. It's time to be disciplined with my emotions, with how I react. Focus, relax and take care of the self. Sometimes you need to fail to figure these hard lessons out. I think I can do this.
Early morning ski tomorrow. Time to get disciplined and make it happen.