Intergalactic Backcountry Skiing Championships

We came, we saw, we conquered (in a matter of sorts). The moon was bright. the fire was warm, the skin up was chaotic, the run down was magical. IGBSC #1 was a raging success. 15 pilots from the planet Neptune showed, skiing till the stroke of midnight. Twas a perfect way to celebrate the last day of winter. Plans are already in the works for IGBSC #2…less than a year to prepare. Photographic proof below…

P1000712The timing for this event was ordained from the heavens. You see, March 19 was the last full day of winter, and it was also the full moon…a celestial cornocopia that happens…well nevermind!

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"V" stands for victory over the evil empirial forces. Rebel pilot Mrs. Vardamis prepares for battle.

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Neptune employee "Toto" shows no fear despite having his torso anihilated by nuclear reactor energy.

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We skinned up under a blood red sky, topped out as the moon rose over the Sea of Tranquility, and skied down in a ghostly moonlight of scrumptiousness.

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Pilot Vardamis prepares to destroy the Death Star.

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We loaded into a plethora of beater vehicles and bushwacked our way past empirial forces to the site of the EVENT where we launched a full assault on the evil empire. Wind, nor dirt, nor snow, nor frozen dead men could stop us – this was an all conditions event.

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Tele skiers, AT skiers, split boarders, uphill bigfooters, wood ski retro grouches, french mono-skier paraponters…they were all welcome at the IGBSC!

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Pilot McDermitt contemplates new ways to destroy the evil empire of lift-serviced skiing.

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On the attack! Yes, it is true, this event is bigger, bolder and rawer than any other intergalactic championships in the universe!

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Forget the silly "World Skiing Championships," the "X-Games" and other such nonsense.  And while were at it forget such tame locations as "Jackson Hole," "Chamonix" or "Le Grave." Do they have the mecca of two slat sliding, known around the universe and only spoken outloud with a fearful shudder as C-A-R-I-B-O-U? That's right…Caribou! Do those other events have a mandatory remove your skis downhill start unless you want to base grind them with gravel? Do they have death defying descents down extreme 20 degree slopes while being chased by 100 mile per hour winds? No they don't, but we do!

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It took four hours of heavy fighting, skinning, bonfires and two slat skiing, but in the end the backcountry skiing rebel forces prevailed. Unfortunately, we were unable to destroy the leader of the evil "ski resort" empire, ensuring further battles in the future.

The winner of this years event was none other than Banjo Ryan. Young Ryan constantly veered from the main attack, risking life and limb, to secure the fringes. He also made the first and only ascent up the treacherous north peak of Bald Mountain, afterwards claiming, "that was pure hell." Finally, this was Ryan's first ski back after popping his knee two months ago, at the same location as his previous injury, and he represented with the valor of a true intergalactic pilot. As such – he will be rewarded – with a mandatory tattoo, courtesy of Neptune warrior Drey, letting the world know forever that he is indeed the Intergalactic champion. As a wise man once said – if you don't want a tattoo, don't win!

3 thoughts on “Intergalactic Backcountry Skiing Championships

  1. Wow. So funny. And we found my gloves today, so the IGBSC is officially a success now. At least I didn’t lose my gloves and destroy my sleeping bag all in one go. I think I shall borrow this and post it elsewhere in the realms of the Interweb. Doth thou mindest? (Of course, all credit goes where credit is due, m’love.)

    Like

  2. damn, wish i’d seen this! maybe next year a flatlander would be welcome with a semi-long ok not that long resume with only 1 attendance of a IGSSC notch in his belt. Looks like good times!

    Like

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